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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Guardian who wrote (29579)	10/19/2003 9:55:44 PM
From: rudedog	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

After reading through the whole of this boring and tedious rant, which might appear clever to a first grader, I found not a single funny line. This IS a joke thread... And people poke at GWB in ways that are actually funny.. ******** George W. Bush Meets Moses George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling. One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, "I can hear him and yes, I am Moses, but the last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the wilderness." ************ here's another that I thought was pretty amusing... ************** First Draft of Bush's Inaugural Address My fellow Armenians, As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes. Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo". (Music break) A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind. (Zantac commercial) I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love , and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and Dad. (Applause; tears) We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: "I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives." (Exxon commercial). The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds. I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom. Thank you, and God help America.

To: Guardian who wrote (29579)	10/20/2003 12:09:53 AM
From: David Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Here's funny: The posting of your political rant on a joke thread, containing not even the slightest hint of humorous content, from a person who claims to have "Degree: BS;MS;PH.D.". Quite a disconnect. "Occupation: Writer" Nice piece of fiction, though!

To: Guardian who wrote (29579)	10/20/2003 1:14:55 AM
From: Capt	Respond to of 62549

In keeping with the theme.....but funny this time. Now that Uday &Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-know family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: > > Sooflay ..................the restaurateur > > Guday................... the half-Australian brother > > Huray.................... the sports fanatic > > Bejay.....................the gay brother > > Kuntay &Kintay.....the twins from the African mother > > Sayhay....................the baseball player > > Ojay........................the stalker / murderer > > Gulay......................the singer / entertainer > > Ebay.......................the internet czar > > Biliray.....................the country music star > > Ecksray...................the radiologist > > Puray.......................the blender factory owner > > Regay......................the half-Jamaican brother > > Tupay......................the one with bad hair: Among the sisters: > > Pusay.......................the 'loose' 22 yr old > > Lattay........................the coffee shop owner > > Bufay.........................the 300 pound sister > > Dushay.....................the clean sister > > Phayray.....................the zoo worker in the gorilla house: > > Sapheway..................the grocery store owner: > > Ollay..........................The half-Mexican sister: > > Gudlay........................the prostitute: > > More will no doubt be discovered.