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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nazbuster who wrote (4993)	3/17/1998 6:37:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man walks into a drugstore, goes over the the pharmacist, and says, "Give me some condoms with insecticide". The pharmacist says, "Don't you mean spermicide?" The man says, "No, I mean insecticide." The pharmacist then asked, "Why insecticide?" The man replied, "Well, my wife's gotten a bug up her ass, and I'm going in after it!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman comes home after going to the doctor and says to her husband, "I'm delighted with the doctor's physical,dear. He said I have the breasts of a woman half my age". "Yeah, but what did he say about your forty-year-old ass"? She replied, "Come to think of it, he didn't even mention your name".

To: Nazbuster who wrote (4993)	3/18/1998 2:02:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62549

"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected." - Red Buttons To: All Male U.S. Citizens From: I.R.S. Service Center Re: Notice of increase in tax payments The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are both nuts. Effective January 1, 1998 your penis will be taxed according to size. ------- The categories are as follows: ------- 10 - 12 inches Luxury Tax $30.00 8 - 10 Pole Tax 25.00 5 - 8 Privilege Tax 15.00 4 - 5 Nuisance Tax 3.00 Males exceeding 12" must file a capital gains return. NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION! Sincerely, Pecker Checker

To: Nazbuster who wrote (4993)	3/19/1998 2:38:00 AM
From: Paul Corbett	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 62549

Guy walks into a bar with an ostrich at his side and a cat under his arm. He puts the cat on the bar and says to the barman: "I want a whiskey, a bourbon for the ostrich and a kahlua for the cat" The barman who as most barman have have seen almost anything pours the drinks. After they had finished the drinks the ostrich says to the barman: "I want a bourbon, a whiskey for my friend and a kahlua for the cat" Well the barman thinks to himself... "well now I've seen everything.. a talking ostrich" but with the wordly knowledge possessed by most barmen he pours the drinks." After they finish the drinks the man orders the same drinks all over again. This happens all night... the man and the ostrich alternately buy rounds for the 3 of them and the cat says nothing. Finally the time for last drinks has past and they are about to leave. Finally the barman says: "look I just have to ask. Why is it that you have a talking ostrich and why does the cat just sit there and not buy?" The man says "Well its like this. I was on my home one night form the pub and bumped into a rubbish bin. Out fell this lamp. When I rubbed the lamp out popped this genie and offered me one wish. I said I wanted a bird with long legs and a tight pussy.