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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Egolpi who wrote (5619)	5/26/1998 11:45:00 AM
From: Arthur Radley	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62552

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need..a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up--he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guys says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pinata?"

To: Egolpi who wrote (5619)	5/26/1998 9:12:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62552

So St. Peter was questioning a certain black fellow at the Pearly Gates: ''So, what achievements have you made in your lifetime?'' ''Well, I once won a basketball game with a slam dunk in the last second!'' ''Hey, that's pretty good! When did this happen?'' ''Well, for that one you hafta go back 'bout ten years''. ''Hmmm, that's kind of a long time ago. Have you done anything of merit more recently?'' ''Well, I once ran 100 meters in less than 10 seconds!'' ''Wow, no one up here has done that before! When did this happen?'' ''That was 5 years ago, back in high school. It was wind-aided.'' ''Hmmm, that's still very impressive. One more thing and you're in. Anything at all more recent?'' ''Well, OK, how about this. I once made love to a white woman under the bleachers at a Klu-Klux-Klan rally.'' ''Holy Smokes! That takes real courage! Few men have done that before! When did this happen?'' ''Oh, jus' about 10 minutes ago. . .'' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three men die in a car accident Christmas eve.They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.On entering they must present something Christmassy. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker , so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "how do these represent Christmas?" Answer "they're Carol's." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q:What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A:The mosquito stops sucking when you hit it on the head. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face." "He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!" "You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you." "Well, f**k him," said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"