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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (25874)	11/7/1998 5:27:00 PM
From: James R. Barrett	1 Recommendation Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, I know how you feel. I raised two sons and a daughter. I honestly believe it would be easier to raise TEN sons than one daughter. I still can't believe what she put me through when she was 13 to 16 years old. Here are some examples: Would refuse to wear a jacket to school on very cold days. Would NEVER carry an umbrella even in the pouring rain. All of her friends were smart and we were "stupid". Changed her clothes THREE times a day. Spent 1-1/2 hours in the bathroom every morning getting "ready" for school. Changed her hair color every 5 weeks. Pulled out all of her eyebrows because penciled ones "looked better". A "D" was as good as an "A" because "you still passed". All of her teachers were "jerks". Her friends had "better" parents. Her friends had "better" clothes. Her friends had "better" shoes. Her friends could stay out later at night. Her friends could have dates at 14. Her friends had their own phone. etc. etc. etc. It was three years of non-stop arguing. Now she has two sons of her own and tells me how difficult it is to raise children today. I tell her how lucky she is to have sons instead of daughters. Jim

To: Grainne who wrote (25874)	11/7/1998 6:29:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, you wrote about teenage selfishness. I remember when I was in my mid-teens. I had a pronounced selfish/materialistic streak. I didn't outgrow it. No, it was held in check by continual comments from my parents and peers. I don't think it "fixes itself". You are probably on the hot seat regarding telling Briana waht's waht in the world of ethics/selfishness. Words are half the story - the other half is the example you and those close to you provide. My parents were a frugal pair. When I was a kid, it was a struggle dealing with the idea that I didn't have the nicest toys on the block. I certainly had adequate ones - but never the newest or glitziest thing. I had trouble understanding why i couldn't get bigger better things - especially when i saw the awesome amount of cash money my mama started her month's grocery budget with. Now I realize two things - much later. 1) That monthly budget was sufficient but certainly no lottery strike. I have learned what ordinary things cost. (Being put on an adequate but inflexible budget in college really assisted that realization. 2) The gift I never recognized was travel. The annual two weeks at the beach - and the quadrennial pilgrimage to my grandma's apartment (a wondrous and exotic place with high ceilings and a very special set of smells) in Vienna. Now that I'm a parent myself - I wouldn't do it different. Travel is a greater gift than shiny battery-operated junk - and it teaches the virtue of delayed gratification in its exercise. I look back on those trips with far more fondness than my once-precious plastic jet fighters.

To: Grainne who wrote (25874)	11/22/1998 12:08:00 PM
From: Skipper	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, Some people are more selfish than others. Some see volunteering as a virtue, and others don't see the point. Whatever your daughter's nature, the adage "you can lead a horse to water..." applies. The best you can do with kids is to keep teaching them, gently, showing them the way that you think is best, but allowing them to take their own course, barring any physical danger. Even regarding physical danger, there is a need to balance short term and long term risk, i.e., over-strictness may cause rebellion, which may lead to more serious risks down the road. I was accused many times of laxness by family and friends, but I am more than satisfied with the lack of rebellion (of the dangerous sort) my kids demonstrate. My oldest is 20, and he is still developing. Our society has made 18 a magic number, but you need to think beyond that. I don't believe that our teaching comes to fruition for many years after. Be patient, above everything. Think back to those who were patient with you, and ask yourself if they are not the ones who had the greatest influence. Skipper