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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8880)	3/7/1999 4:30:00 PM
From: Michael & B.Anne	Respond to of 62549

A drunk was sitting in a crowded bar when a lady squeezed her way up beside and raised her arm (albeit unshaven) to attract the attention of the bar tender. And as the bar tender came over, and before the lady could order the drunk said "bar tender, give the ballerina a drink on me." Where upon she was provided with the drink and went back to her table. Some moments later she reappeared and raised her arm again to get the bar keepers attention ... and again before she could order the drunk said, "bar tender, give the ballerina a drink on me." A few moments later the bar tender came over the drunk and asked if he had ever seen the lady before. The drunk said, "never." Then how do you know she is a ballerina asked the bar tender. "She must be a ballerina to be able to raise her leg so high," responded the drunk.

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8880)	3/11/1999 10:48:00 PM
From: Neenny	Respond to of 62549

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Chinese Proverbs" (origin unknown) "Man who run in front of car, get tired" "Man who run behind car, get exhausted" "Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly." "Foolish Man give wife grand piano. Wise Man give wife upright organ." "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok" "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails." "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it." "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat-house." "Man who sleep in cat-house by day, sleep in doghouse by night." "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night." "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out." "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it." "Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!" "Man who sit on tack get point? "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement" "He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs." "Baseball is wrong, Man with four balls cannot walk."

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8880)	3/14/1999 2:20:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

: A MAN AND HIS DOG One fall day Ol' Joe was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men in single file. Intrigued, Joe went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Joe. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Joe then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line," replied the man.

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8880)	3/25/1999 1:16:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

Five Surgeons ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8880)	4/18/1999 1:33:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation took place: FIRST GUY: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife to paint every room in the house next week-end." SECOND GUY: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool." THIRD GUY: "Man, you guys have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to play the hole when they realize the 4th guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing. What's the deal?" FOURTH GUY: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Golf course or intercourse?' and she said, "wear your sweater." >>