Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/4/1999 2:08:00 PM
From: E	Respond to of 2733

PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENNIUM > > 1. Home is where you hang your @ > > 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. > > 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. > > 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks. > > 5. Great groups from little icons grow. > > 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. > > 7. C:\ is the root of all directories. > > 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page. > > 9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish. > > 10. The modem is the message. > > 11. Too many clicks spoil the browse. > > 12. The geek shall inherit the earth. > > 13. A chat has nine lives. > > 14. Don't byte off more than you can view. > > 15. Fax is stranger than fiction. > > 16. What boots up must come down. > > 17. Windows will never cease. > > 18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal). > > 19. Virtual reality is its own reward. > > 20. Modulation in all things. > > 21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted. > > 22. There's no place like home.com > > 23. Know what to expect before you connect. > > 24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. > > 25. Speed thrills. > > 26. Give a man (or for that matter anyone) a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks. >

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 1:10:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and I can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer and I'll order from that." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meat loaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. Mary the cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him. He tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs into the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon, sir.This time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "I didn't know Mary worked here."

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 1:54:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins. "How am I doing?" He asks. "Three knots," she replies. "Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 1:55:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

This man went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?" The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?" "Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 1:57:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A lady was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 1:58:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

To: Trader Dave who wrote (2057)	5/5/1999 2:00:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived, he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she pointed it to her new husband. As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked, "What they don't use those things where you come from?" "Yeah," she said "But we don't skin 'em!"